Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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