it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
