She said her name was "party"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
