Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
