If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize