I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
