If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
