Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
