Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
