He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Small penises have feelings too.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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