go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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