He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize