How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
