I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
