I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
