Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
