just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
