I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize