Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
