I am puke
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
