You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
