No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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