Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
