just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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