put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
