She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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