I think I died a long time ago.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
