I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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