Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
