they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
