Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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