I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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