My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
