you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
