Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We have started to decorate penises.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
