That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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