dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
