She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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