Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
