so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
