You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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