She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
