I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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