how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
