Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
