Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do cheetos always look like penises
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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