i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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