She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
