If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
