I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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