Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
