I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
