96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
