I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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