The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
