I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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