I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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