I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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