I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My brain says no but my pants say off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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