smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
