i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Two words: blizzard sex
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
