Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize