There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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