if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
