I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
