So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
