i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
