dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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