It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
