PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
