how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
