This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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