that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
