Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
