Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
