She's JV to your varsity
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
