I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
